literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
