Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
