butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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