it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
