if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
