im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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