everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
