Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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