yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
