Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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