my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
