i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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