Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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