I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
