put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found your dick twin last night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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