It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
