Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
