Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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