i already hear my dad disowning me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
