i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
