Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
