I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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