my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So many bounce houses so little time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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