he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You pole danced in your parka.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
