Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
