We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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