Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
