So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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