i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you inspire me to be a worse person
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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