he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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