Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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