my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
