you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
