THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
