I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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