There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
