No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
