So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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