it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
