I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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