i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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