i just wanna soil my oats bro
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
