We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
