I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
