I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
