Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
