the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
