My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
