no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
