you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize