went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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