my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
