And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
