took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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