Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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